This week we've been looking at a few of the frustrations of leaders and, on Wednesday, on Episode 14, we talked about what we believe is one of the most important ways that leaders can smooth out some of those frustrations: investing in relationships. We looked at eight ways to build relational foundations with those you are leading in your organization. Today we’re going to expand on some of those ideas with practical ways to make those connections. Our first step toward building relationships was spending some one on one (or family on family) time outside of church with your leadership. When you do have this one on one time, we would encourage you to do it not only outside of church, but also outside of your home. There is a tension in asking someone over for dinner—for the host who has to prepare and the guest who has to be on their best behavior—that doesn't always make for the easiest “first date.” Instead, go out to dinner, or find a local sporting/entertainment event that would be fun for everyone involved. Nobody has home-field advantage, and hopefully everybody can drop their guard just a little bit.
Next, we talked about asking for input and actually listening to your leadership team. When you start a conversation, remind yourself that the goal is to keep an open mind and ear to the person you’re speaking with, not just to convince them of an agenda or direction you want to take. That means we don’t enter a conversation with our specific agenda in mind, but instead we really open ourselves up to hear where another person is coming from and their input into a project or situation. When we let our minds wander back to what we want, we stop listening and start strategizing our next move. This takes practice, but will pay dividends in the long run.
With our 200churches blog and podcast, our purpose is to encourage, support, and inspire pastors of smaller churches, churches that range anywhere from 20 to 200 or more. That’s it! That’s why we exist. Our podcast today aims to better equip you to build some serious, major league relationships with the members of your church board or leadership structure. We believe that if we are serious about leading our church, and growing our people, it all begins with our relationship with the church leaders. Real personal growth and life change happens best in relationship – in community.
We also believe in what Rick Warren has long stated: “All leaders are learners, when we stop learning, we stop leading.” Part of our learning is to listen to good podcasts and leadership lessons, and… enroll in graduate programs, but that’s another story! One of our favorite podcasts is the “This Is Your Life” podcast by Michael Hyatt. You can find it on iTunes and at www.michaelhyatt.com.
On last week’s podcast at michaelhyatt.com, titled The Three Components of Job Satisfaction, he took a question from Brent Dumler who asked, “What would you say to a 20-something church leader who finds him or herself in the midst of an unhealthy church? When would you advise them to start looking for something else?” In Michael’s answer, he talks about a young pastor who was frustrated with his board because they just “didn’t get it”. That question and Michael’s answer prompted this podcast about how, if we are not going to just bail and skip off to another church, we must build relationships with our boards if we are to have any hope of creating positive change, with them, in our church! We talk about what we think are perhaps the eight most important ways to build those healthy, trust-filled relationships with our church leaders. Here are the eight ways up front, and we hope you enjoy today’s podcast and are challenged to implement some of these practices right away in your 200church!
One of the hardest things for a church to do is actively participate in the life of a community. Churches are excellent at creating communities, at drawing the community in, at building programs targeted at a specific community, but the task of actually going out and integrating into a community is a tricky thing. Our "church" is in the community in the form of people, but how are we corporately involved? Our starting place this week is the cliche question: if your church closed tomorrow, would anybody outside of it notice? Last week, our podcast guest talked about how important it is for church leaders to recognize the leadership that their church members demonstrate in their everyday lives. He challenged us to think beyond "church" and see people as fully integrated; to break down the divide between church on Sunday and living as the church every day. We believe that our corporate body should be as integral to the community as our individual members are, but we recognize that it's difficult to accomplish.
As leaders, we often want to start our planning, by planning our programs. But programs are usually designed to bring people into our buildings or onto our properties, not to take our body out into the community. It's tough to admit, but we can't programmatically approach our desire to be a part of the community. We need to practice a relational approach, and be emotionally invested in people. We should be comfortable up front with a commitment not measured in weekends, but in years. We hope this week to start a conversation that won't get wrapped up by Friday. This is an issue we want to continually wrestle with here at 200churches, because we believe that the church should be an integral part of the community. Corporately and individually, we are called to be salt and light in this world. We want our 200church to be missed if it closes, and we want yours to be, too. So we hope you enjoy the Podcast and blogs this week, and please chime in about your own struggles and triumphs integrating your church into your community.
This week’s podcast centers on how to work with, and learn from, volunteer leaders in your church. One of our volunteer leaders, Jan Schuiteman, joined us on the podcast today and spoke to 200churches pastors from the perspective of a very invested, very committed volunteer leader. Jan is a successful businessman who has started and developed a number of companies, but his passion is ministry and people.
Jan understands business, ministry, relationships, and the church as all part of one entity – Kingdom life. One of his questions to pastors of 200churches is “what’s the difference between being in vocational ministry and leading a business?” By dividing “lay” ministers from “vocational” ministers, Jan believes we’re creating an unnecessary leadership gap in the church. Jan believes that all leadership is about creating relationships, showing and living grace with people, looking for divine appointments, and making a difference in someone else’s life.
We asked Jan in the podcast to tell our listeners what he has done in the business world and what kind of leadership he has been involved in, and his answer betrays his commitment to God and to others. Jan doesn’t spend time bragging about his success in business, but can talk all day about helping people to serve God where their “eyes light up.” After working with Jan for over nine years now, even Jeff was challenged when we listened to our interview again. Jan truly believes everything he says, and he challenges us all to view life from the vantage points of relationships and grace, not production or profit. I hope you enjoy this special episode of the 200churches Podcast. We know that pastors will be encouraged by Jan as he shares his perspective as a volunteer leader and leadership mentor! This week on 200churches.com and on our 200churches Podcast we have been talking about prayer. To wrap up the week and this theme, I want to tell you why I don’t meet with God. I always wanted to be Pastor Praymor. I assumed that Pastor Praymor would be more holy, get more things done, preach better messages, make fewer mistakes, visit more people, parse more Greek verbs, pump out great church bulletins, diagram entire epistles of Paul, and generally have more people in his worship services. After all, Pastor Praymor would certainly deserve those things. I mean, earn those things, through his much prayer. Well, I was never able to completely become Pastor Peter Praymor. Thank God.
I’ve been a pastor for over 26 years in just a few churches that ranged from 17 to 700, and at some point, although I don’t know when, I realized it was more important for me to do life with God, than it was for me to make my daily scheduled meeting with God. After all, my wife would be ticked, I mean really ticked, if I met to talk with her once every morning, even if it was for an hour, and basically ignored her the rest of the day! Of course I would think of her often throughout the day, and maybe even peak in on her a couple times just to see how she was, but not to talk. Then at the end of the day I would get into bed with her and promptly fall asleep because I would of course be too tired to talk to her then. I know, you can see where this train is heading. Thankfully, my wife is not God; she would not be nearly as patient and forgiving as he is! I certainly don’t meet with my wife once or even twice daily and think that is sufficient for our marriage. Neither should I meet with God once or twice a day, even for a relatively extended time, and think that is healthy or sufficient for my friendship with him. So, I don’t meet with God. I try to just do life with God. Whenever I am involved in something, I try to ask for his help or advice, express thankfulness to him, and cry out to him for mercy and/or wisdom. Sometimes I just give up, and admit I need him and am powerless without him. I can’t live without God. And I can accomplish absolutely nothing without his power and blessing. So, I have stopped meeting with God, and have started doing my dead level best to do life with God all the time. If you meet with God, what do you do with him when you’re done meeting? Do you just turn your back on him and walk away? When you say “amen” is that like saying, “Okay God, thanks, but I've got it now. I’m good. See you later on.”? Of course we know better, especially as pastors, but don’t we really sell our relationship with God short when we simply have “devotions”, and then leave God up in our bedrooms and take off to start the day? As pastors and leaders of 200churches, we are probably it at our church, no staff, perhaps not even a secretary or janitor. We’d better not leave God in the study, the bedroom, or sitting down on our living room couch – we’ve got to take him with us every single hour of every single day! We need his help and empowerment to shepherd our flock, be available to our community, and love our neighbors. Pastor Peter Praymor? No, I’ve given up trying to be him. I’d like to be more like Rev. Robert Restwell. Robbie Restwell just enjoys hanging around Jesus every day, asks for his help, watches him do his thing in people’s hearts, and savors the journey. Maybe that’s what Paul meant when he told us to “pray without ceasing”. He did not say “pray in your meeting.” So, what do you say? Instead of meeting with Jesus for ten minutes this morning, why not cancel the meeting and ask him to shadow you for the day, that you need the company and the help, and that you’d welcome his input and assistance. You might be amazed at the kind of day you’ll have! But first, go ahead and show Pastor Praymor the door, and don’t worry if it does hit him on the way out!
As leaders of 200churches, our desire should be that our churches would, at the very least, be welcoming. There really is only one chance to make a first impression and we want people to experience a welcoming and friendly atmosphere when they come into our church. But how?
In Andy Stanley's excellent book, "Deep and Wide," he writes about creating irresistible environments, and much of what he focuses on has to do with facilities. While we'd encourage you to read his book and take his thoughts to heart, we also recognize that as leaders of 200churches we often have very limited budgets and facilities to work with. We can keep the church clean, but we couldn't possibly afford a remodel.
What we'd encourage you to start with isn't facilities, but people. We can have a welcoming and inviting environment at our church, and it's the people who will create that environment. It begins with the leadership, but eventually bleeds down to everyone in our congregation. At 200churches, we believe there are 5 elements to a welcoming atmosphere, and all of them can be easily achieved no matter what your budget or facilities are:
Brian Hanson, director of Gatekeepers Ministries, stopped by this week to talk about how his organization is equipping church leaders and laypeople to minister within their own sphere of influence. You can check out what Brian and Gatekeepers are doing here.
One of the harsh realities of any church is that people are constantly cycling in and out. Regardless of the reasons for it, the fact is that we will lose some people. When that happens, and especially when the family leaving is close to the core, the pastor and people left must wrestle with feelings of betrayal, loss, and grief.
Remember that churches are always in a state of flux. In larger churches, pastors may not even realize when people walk out the door. In 200churches, we are privileged and burdened with the knowledge of when a family leaves. Remembering that this is just a reality of all churches helps the pill taste a little less bitter. Complicating issues further, many 200churches are located in small towns, where the pastor and church members may frequently see people who have left the church. This can cause awkward interactions, and even painful feelings for the pastor, his or her spouse, and the church members. As pastors, we must choose the kind of attitude we are going to have toward those who leave our churches. Having some experience in this area, here are four reflections on how to manage your thoughts and heart when people leave your church. 1. Recognize that the Body of Christ is so much bigger than your church. This is so obvious, but so pivotal to remember. When a family leaves for another church, it’s important to remember that they have not become an enemy. The Kingdom of God is bigger than our four walls. 2. Allow yourself to feel the loss, but don't take it personally. Allow yourself to feel betrayal, grief, anger, or frustration. Trying to bottle up your feelings will only backfire in the long run. If necessary, see a counselor or trusted adviser to gain perspective and don’t allow bitterness, resentment, or unforgiveness to take over. And always remember, it’s not personal. Don’t allow someone’s departure to make you second guess every decision and public statement you make. 3. Let their leaving be a learning opportunity. This will be hard, but is very important. When a family leaves, take a moment and consider if there are some things that should change. Talk it over with your spouse or church leadership, people who will speak honestly to you. Learning from difficulties instead of just being defensive is a mark of a good leader, and the people in your church will take their cue from you. 4. Treat them as though they never left. Regardless of the terms someone leaves on, we need to speak to them, love them, and treat them exactly the same in any interactions as if they are still attending our church. People might be surprised to be treated with such kindness (especially those who were less than kind when they walked out) but it is our responsibility to do so. Remember, these people are not our enemies simply because they no longer worship with us. If we are the Body of Christ, we are family, no matter what building we worship in. There is no denying that it hurts when someone leaves a church. The pastor, the congregation, and the people leaving all experience hurt and pain. If you’re dealing with this hurt in your own church, we hope this has been helpful. If you have experience with this and have something to add, please leave a comment!
Have you ever been trampled by a sacred cow in your ministry? I remember in January of 1999 our church announced that the upcoming Sunday evening service would be cancelled to make room for a Super Bowl party. This party would be an outreach to invite friends – you know, you’ve all done it by now. The following Monday morning, a couple (who had been members for over 20 years) stopped by the church to inform us that they would no longer be attending and that they wanted their $3,200 offering check from the day before… back! Sacred cow? Evening service!
Another couple I visited asked if we were going to start singing more hymns on Sundays. I told them that we would likely sing less hymns over time. “Okay, thank you. We will begin going to another church then.” Sacred cow? Hymns! Another person left our church when I stopped wearing a coat and tie on Sunday mornings. Another sacred cow. Sacred cows can be buildings, church furniture, service times, platform arrangement, Bible versions, pastoral visits, and even dress codes. How can we as pastors of 200churches change these areas while avoiding stepping and slipping on those fresh, steaming cow patties in our churches? After slipping and sitting in too many of them, I have some ideas for properly killing a sacred cow. But first, consider these thoughts:
So, for those in the third category, here are a few questions you should ask:
As pastors of 200churches, our people should know how much we love and value them, but also that we are committed to killing sacred cows if they are in the way of us accomplishing our Jesus-mandated mission. For 200churches, the only thing more important than our people is our God-given purpose called the Great Commission. If a sacred cow is in the way, the most important question we can ask is: medium, or well done?! |
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