What a wonderful, hope-filled conversation with a very good friend of small church pastors! Pastor Mike Ferguson, aka Dr. Mike Ferguson, is truly a pastor to pastors, who also has the education and credentials of an experienced psychologist.
While Mike has been a part of the AOG (Assembly of God) Churches for so many years - his heart for pastors knows no denominational boundaries. His heart is to help pastors who are battling a mental health crisis. Because Mike's story is also about battling a mental health crisis. His passion is to remove the stigma, embarrassment, and shame from anyone who struggles with their mental health. Dr. Mike brings a message of hope and healing. His passion is not only to equip pastors, but church leaders and lay leaders at every level. He wants to help churches become places that are friendly to those who experience mental health challenges. My own wife has battled a huge mental health challenge - and by close association (one flesh!) so have I. I (Jeff) have watched her suffer, not knowing why her brain would not align with her heart, wondering when the worry, the anxiety, and the sleeplessness would go away. Years ago, in ignorance, I would encourage her to just "think positive". We both learned the hard way, but we learned. I wish we had a person like Dr. Mike Ferguson in our lives at the time. Well, starting today YOU have a person like Dr. Ferguson in your life - in fact, Dr. Ferguson himself! He is available to you, and you can find him at DrMikeFerguson.com. Mike is also a suicidologist - so if you are struggling to that extent, or know someone who is, then Dr. Ferguson can also help you. We hope you enjoy this longer, hope-filled episode! Find Mike on the web in the links below.
This week we’ve talked about mental health issues and challenges, especially as it relates to ministry. Rick Warren is famous for saying “God never wastes a hurt”. John Maxwell has said something to the effect of, “when you fall down, you might as well pick something up while you’re down there.” And, I think it was Chicago mayor Rahm Emmanuel who said, “You never want a serious crisis to go to waste.” Therefore, I would say, “the more you hurt, the more you care.” The more hurt you experience, the more you will care about those who hurt.
It’s funny how my wife and I move quickly toward people who suffer with panic or anxiety. Interesting how I care about those who have alcoholism in their family. With each added hurt, we gain a new ability to care. In some of my research this week I passed over a Google search item that said, “What pastors can learn from Depression”, or something like that. I did not want to read about all the good things that can come from Depression. I did not even click on it. I thought it would be a pile of spiritualizing dither, attempting to invalidate someone’s pain. Yet today I find myself thinking about the upside of suffering. I mean, nobody ever signs up for it. Suffering, that is. No one wants it. It comes normally out of the blue, unwanted, despised even. We want to have a good year, a nice day, or a fine time – yet here comes Suffering, strolling down the street toward us, in all its hideous glory. Like Jesus speaking to Nicodemus, Suffering says, “I am coming to your house today!” Mental illness holds its own special brand of suffering. It’s one thing to have to bandage a wound, put a cast on a limb, or take antibiotics for infections. It’s another thing altogether to not be able to trust how your brain is processing information, or establishing any of a range of emotions. We lose trust in ourselves, our ability to discern and/or understand the reality in front of us. If you as a pastor have experienced this, then great – you have a special ability to now care for others who deal with it! If you are having to help and/or counsel people dealing with mental health, and you haven’t suffered with it, consider talking to someone who has, to gain at least a second hand understanding of it. If you’re always “having a great day!” as a pastor, you won’t be able to come alongside people who are hurting. You have to hurt, to help those who hurt. So if your hurt is in the mental health area, then, well, you might as well pick something up while you’re down there. Yes, don’t waste that crisis or that hurt. Finally, I came across a FANTASTIC article written by two pastors who have experienced burnout and depression and lived to write about it. The article is over 7,000 words long and really covers every angle of the topic completely. The link is below – you will really enjoy it, learn from it, and be encouraged by it. It’s also a great resource for helping yourself or others struggling with either burnout, depression, or both. Coming Out of the Dark: Two Pastors’ Journey Out of Depression There is a companion article for Pastor's wives right here: Coming Out of the Dark: Two Pastors’ Wives Share in Their Husbands’ Journey Out of Depression This weekend, spend a few extra minutes looking some of your folks in the eye, and listening to their hurts, fears, and problems. Take the time to get to know your people, then love them, then feed them… and only then, can you lead them. Remember, don’t completely despise hurt and suffering. Because, the more you hurt, the more you care. Have a wonderful weekend!
On our blog post for Monday, September 15, 2014 Jeff shared his story of walking through the valley of anxiety and panic with his wife, Debbie. He talked about how they didn't know what was going on, why she would have panic attacks, and why anxiety was her daily companion. It took them ten years before they found help... in their doctor's office.
On today's podcast, episode 88, Jonny's father recounts his virtually life-long experience with depression. As a pastor for forty years, he has been in the depression management business the entire time. Wait until you hear when he finally began to talk about it and reach out for help! (hint: you'll only need the fingers on one hand!) Our desire is for YOU to find help and hope a lot sooner than Jeff and his wife did, or than Jonny's father did. In our day medicine has figured out so many of the mental health mysteries. There's more discovery to be had for sure, but we are so much farther than we were in the 60's... or 90's. Jonny's Dad, David Craig, has written a book about depression, the first of a trilogy. You can find his book, The Birds Sang A Sad Song, here on Amazon, or at his website at DavidCCraig.net. Are you suffering with challenges related to mental health? Please get help! You don't have to face it alone. That is the LIE that so many people with mental health problems face - "no one cares, you are all alone". People do care about you, you are NOT alone. RESOURCES TO HELP YOU First, if you feel that you have no one, try us! Email us at jeff@200churches.com or jonny@200churches.com. Here are a couple websites that offer help. We cannot vouch for everything on these sites, we're just small church pastors, after all! But, they are a place for you to get started:
I thank God that nonaddictive medication is available. Medication for depression is not like sleeping pills or Valium. Antidepressants are nonaddictive. They are taken until one’s body learns to produce enough serotonin again and a person is able to get proper rest. When a person breaks his arm, he wears a cast until it heals. It is a similar process with serotonin. When I pastored, I frequently worked with ministers who were in severe depression. I recommended they visit a Christian psychiatrist or psychologist, get on antidepressants, and get balanced out. It is okay to get help. Antidepressants are a great gift. They are like insulin for a person with diabetes. What would we do without insulin? It was the late summer of 1990. With two kids under three years old, and a husband who was working 70 hours a week, obviously my wife was going through “a tough stage”. She was having a hard time. I was working a lot, and not really completely tuned in to her struggles. This stage will pass as the baby gets easier to take care of, I thought. My memory is a bit foggy on the details, but I remember that her doctor couldn’t really help her and she ended up in a neurologist’s office. He suggested an MRI to rule out a brain tumor. What?! A neurologist wants to rule out a brain tumor?! It sounds pretty serious to me, now 24 years later. I knew then it would show nothing. She was fine. I knew my wife. She just needed to think more positively. Obviously, the results came back from her MRI – all was clear, no problems. I knew it.
She was a good soldier. A ministry wife. She did what she needed to do to serve the Lord and support her husband and church. But the struggles continued. They eased considerably while she nursed each of our four children. That should have been a clue. But, what did we know? We just prayed more. Ten years later, in the summer of 2000, I fell asleep one night while she was reading next to me in bed. I woke up almost 8 hours later to find her still reading. “Did you…?” I asked. “No”, she replied. Sleeplessness. She had a woman in her Bible study who couldn’t sleep and ended up in the mental health ward of the hospital. She thought, “what if I can’t sleep?” Sure enough, she started to have trouble sleeping. When she experienced three sleepless nights in a row, we both knew we were in trouble. It was 2000. Pastoral families were supposed to have it together. Obviously this was a flaw. What was wrong with us? My wife had four children at home, and she was homeschooling three of them. She needed her sleep. She spent the next night praying, crying out to God, and reading her Bible, along with every note she’d ever written in it. “God, I’m not asking for a ‘want’, I have a need, a big need, I just need to sleep. I have four kids God!” But the sleep only came once ever second or third night. God was silent. We had been abandoned. And then the panic attacks became more frequent. We didn’t call them that then, we didn’t know. For no reason, in the middle of anything, my wife would begin to melt down. She needed to go home, to quit whatever she was doing. She needed to retreat. After some terrible times, and honestly, after much personal suffering that I’ll never truly appreciate on my wife’s part, we broke. We were devastated, exhausted, and out of options. I called one of our deacons, who was also our doctor. I called him at home on his day off, because to make it a big deal in the doctor’s office just didn’t seem right. And, we wanted confidentiality. Ministry couples shouldn’t have these kinds of problems. I explained to him what was happening. “Oh Jeff,” he said, “every single day I see people in my office for the same type of thing. The good news is, I can help your wife, the bad news is it’s going to take about two to four weeks.” Hey, that was ALL good news to me! I could feel the dread leaving my body, and for the first time in many months, I had HOPE. I had hope that my wife would get better. I knew she was fine. There was nothing wrong with her. She was a wonderful woman, godly wife and mother, my best friend, and a good ministry soldier. She just needed to think positive, I thought. The diagnosis? A chemical imbalance in her brain. Treatment? A pill. Wow. Within two weeks she was sleeping. Way fewer panic attacks. Much less anxiety. In several months we had figured out what she needed by way of a prescription, and soon she was 95% better, which was a miracle for us. Today it’s just called “mental health”. Some people have trauma or abuse, others have addictions. My wife’s only trauma was being married to me – but she simply had an imbalance in her brain chemicals – and when that was treated, she recovered. Today, fourteen years later, she still takes half a pill, every night. She understands her brain, her emotions, and how she feels. She knows how to manage average anxiety, and she knows when she may be in for a season of needing the whole pill every night. She’s prescribed the whole pill. But mostly, she’s good with just a half. I’ve given you a thumbnail sketch of what our struggle with mental illness was like. My wife could tell you story after story of her suffering from 1990-2000. Prozac was first prescribed in 1990. All these SRI drugs have been developed since the year my wife had an MRI of her brain. But today they are available for you, just like Diabetics and blood pressure patients have their own drugs. If you are struggling with mental illness of any sort, please get help. There is HOPE on the other side. All my wife needs is 5mg a night to have her life back. It’s way worth it. And, for us, none of it was spiritual. We prayed, cried out to God, for years. He was waiting for us to just go to the doctor. Oh, that. I know that’s not everyone’s ailment and diagnosis, but it was ours. And, maybe it’s yours. Get help. Call your doctor. Pastors and their spouses need to be cared for too. This Wednesday on episode 88, we talk with David Craig, Jonny’s dad. David has suffered with Depression for decades, all the while serving as a pastor, and he tells his story this week on the 200churches Podcast. |
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