I miss the voice of Paul Harvey on the radio, who would say, “Hello Americans, it’s Frrriiiiday.” That one voice went out over the airwaves for 70 years and literally created radio news and commentary. He was one of the most well-known radio men ever at the time of his death in February 2009. Voices are not influential only on radio, but also in the local church. I’ve heard this “seven people” stat for many years, and recently I read a post by Dr. Jim Meyer that said this: “Regardless of church size, when push comes to shove, most pastors leave a church because of a group of 7-10 individuals.” Having been a pastor for more than 25 years, I can attest to the accuracy of this statistic.
When I am really feeling discouraged and worn out, I intentionally list the people that I feel are working against what I am trying to accomplish in my church. Only once was there more than seven people! It’s usually just a handful of people who are critical, and the vast majority of people are doing just fine. Of course, the smaller your church is, the fewer critical people you need to feel you are being attacked. Wouldn’t it be great if we paid as much attention to the happy and/or quiet people as we do to the complaining and/or critical ones? Perspective, outlook, and attitude are all so important for us to control as we lead our 200church. Don’t allow yourself to fall under the influence of just a couple of naysayers. It’s important for you to stay focused on the big picture of what God is doing in your church through you. So, how about you? Are you discouraged today because you feel like a lot of people are against you? Take out a paper and pen and list them. That’s right, scribble down their names. Got more than seven? I doubt it. Now, frame that kind of reality, and allow yourself to feel the affirmation of all of the people in your church who are thankful for you and thrilled you are their pastor. That’s it, now you’re feeling a little better! Today a member was in my office and did something that was very uncharacteristic – she praised the Lord, our church, and my pastoral ministry! How unusual – people more often stop by to lodge a complaint or “concern.” This lady told me what my ministry in my 200church meant to her and to her family. How encouraging! If you feel like the walls are closing in around you, get out of your office, take a run or a drive, or just a walk, and feel the sunshine and smell the outdoors. God is bigger than you, your ministry, or the complaints of naysayers. They may even be right, and we need to discern that so that we can learn, but we should not allow complainers to muffle the call of God in our lives to pastor and shepherd God's people. It only takes 7 people to get you discouraged in your role as a pastor - don't let them! Stay confident, be hopeful, and expect God to work through you. Don't start counting those people until they number 8 - then you can get serious about finding the cause of the raucus! Next week we talk about the scourge of pornography and its effects on our communities, and even pastors! There it is! The question we shouldn't ask at 200churches, right? After all, we celebrate the small church on this site don’t we? Well, yes and no. We celebrate a small church when a small church has reached its Kingdom potential. But if there is something that is keeping your church from reaching and growing disciples, then we would love to help you discover what that is, so you can continue on your way to whatever is your church’s Kingdom potential! On this week’s podcast we are jumping off an article by Timothy Keller – Leadership and Church Size Dynamics: How Strategy Changes with Growth. We are talking specifically about the content of pages 7-9 which deal with the character of a 200church, and what it takes to cross the 200 barrier to the next size category.
Jeff and Jonny get into a little conflict on this subject regarding leadership gifting versus leadership capacity. Jeff contends that some pastors simply do not have the leadership capacity latent within them to grow a church past 200 members. Jonny rather sees gifting as the issue, and views some pastors gifting more as shepherds than leaders, and resists the concept of capacity limitations. You will have to decide for yourself when you listen! Today we would offer two suggestions: 1. You should read Timothy Keller’s article. It is a fantastic and revealing read, that every pastor should take in and consider in light of their leadership. 2. Ponder the concept of a “single cell mentality” in a church, maybe yours? This concept was communicated by Jim Powell from the 95Network. in one of his coaching sessions titled “Breaking the 200 Barrier.” It’s very insightful. Maybe Jim will be offering more free seminars in the future. Basically the single cell mentality in a church is where the people believe they all need to meet together, at the same time, and in the same room, so that they can all see each other and get to know each other. They mostly view multiple anything as divisive and harmful to the unity of the church. They also thing that if the church doors are open, they need to be there, so they need to participate in most everything. If they are forced to choose between two equally good ministries occurring on the same night, they are frustrated and wonder why the church is double-booking events. If they have to say “no” to something, they feel guilty and can get angry for being put in such a position. This single cell mentality is one of the paradigm shifts a church needs to make (says Keller), in order to move past the 200 barrier. So, read the article and grade yourself as to your acceptance/rejection as a church of the “single cell mentality.” Then, listen to the podcast on Wednesday, and referee the fight between Jeff and Jonny. They both think they are right! Your leadership in your 200church is a blessing to your people and makes a huge difference in the Kingdom of God!
Conflict is not a four letter word. Maybe you read the title of today's podcast and thought "the last thing I want to do is encourage conflict on my team!" Conflict has a bad reputation, especially in the church, but there's another side to conflict, and the benefits are important for 200church pastors to recognize.
This week's podcast is based on an article titled "Managing Conflict for Church Boards and Committees" that highlights upsides of conflict and tries to put away the myth that all conflict is negative. It's a great article and we highly recommend that you check it out. Here are some of the lessons we learned about conflict:
-200church pastors should encourage conflict The reality is that most growth happens in tension or struggle. If we are constantly peace-mongering and never allowing conflict to arise, we are limiting the growth of people we are serving with. Conflict is necessary if we want to move forward. Churches will always default to the status quo and it requires conflict to push them forward. -200church pastors should control conflict The reason conflict gets a bad reputation is because too often it's not controlled. Conflict is ultimately about truth-seeking, and when opposing ideas of truth run into each other, some sparks are guaranteed to fly. Containing these points of conflict to specific meetings and times and basing our conflict on ideas rather than people and personalities, allow the positive effects of conflict to shine while minimizing the inherent dangers. -200church pastors should expect conflict If you're creating an environment where conflict is encouraged, don't be surprised when it happens. Too often as pastors we try to keep the peace at all costs and we can begin to be lulled into believing our own fairy tale. Just because you've swept it under the rug for a long time doesn't mean the disagreements are not there, so expect some conflict when you open those doors.So have you been peace-mongering at your church? Limiting conflict and forcing consensus? Its time to set your people free and start the tough work of finding truth through tension. Several years ago I read a book by Edwin Friedman titled A Failure of Nerve – Leadership in the Age of the Quick Fix. This is a book on the subject of leadership, and how well a leader differentiates himself from those he or she leads. This book speaks to one of the single most destructive attitudes in leadership – the attitude that says, “I need to be liked and I need you to be happy, with me especially.” Local churches, 200churches for sure, find themselves with leaders who struggle in this area. Pastors want there to be unity and harmony in the church, at any cost. They do not want to rock the boat or anger anyone, to the end that they fail to move forward with any constructive plans or ideas. You should hear it from Edwin. I want to quote Friedman himself, in his own words: “In any type of institution whatsoever, when a self-directed, imaginative, energetic, or creative member is being consistently frustrated and sabotaged rather than encouraged and supported, what will turn out to be true one hundred percent of the time, regardless of whether the disrupters are supervisors, subordinates, or peers, is that the person at the very top of that institution is a peace-monger. By that I mean a highly anxious risk-avoider, someone who is more concerned with good feelings than with progress, someone whose life revolves around the axis of consensus, a “middler,” someone who is so incapable of taking well-defined stands that his “disability” seems to be genetic, someone who functions as if she had been filleted of her backbone, someone who treats conflict or anxiety like mustard gas—one whiff, on goes the emotional gas mask, and he flits. Such leaders are often “nice,” if not charming.” (Edwin Friedman - A Failure of Nerve, p.14 Emphasis mine)
I believe that churches are filled with pastors who are peace-mongers! They treat conflict as though it were toxic and actually are nice, and charming. But they get nothing done, and cede leadership to the loudest voice and most obnoxious personality. They are
Do you like to be liked? Need to be liked? At all costs? Is harmony and unity your highest values, even at the expense of the mission, or at the expense of truth? Are you indecisive, not wanting to make the call? Are you just too nice? Is your niceness eviscerating your leadership? Wednesday’s podcast, episode 28, is all about the positive virtues of conflict, and why you need conflict on your leadership team! You don’t want to miss this podcast. You need to embrace conflict and understand the good it will bring to your leadership team and your leadership. Friedman’s book would also be a great buy for you. It literally changed my view of pastoral leadership, and caused me to make some calls I had been putting off for years. I am so glad I did! When was the last time you punted instead of making the call and running the ball? When was the last time you got up the nerve and made the call – and what happened? Tell us in the comments section below. Finally, join us on Wednesday for episode 28 of the 200churches Podcast. Subscribe to us on iTunes at 200churches Podcast. Wednesday’s podcast dealt with conflict resolution, and the steps to take when there is an ongoing disagreement. Today we would like to share with you four benefits to taking action. What good things happen as a result of stepping up and dealing with problems head on? BENEFIT #1 – Resolution! Something that had been nagging on you for a while is now resolved. The problem is no longer a problem. You can breathe easier. Like unpaid bills, unanswered email, or unreturned phone calls, unresolved interpersonal problems, whether they are disagreements or full on conflicts, just zap your energy and your positivity. When they are finally resolved, and successfully, it just feels so good!
BENEFIT #2 – Relationships restored! Often when there is disagreement, there is a strain on a relationship. The free-flowing joy of community wanders away and there is a tension in the air. Especially if it is another staff member or leader that you see often, it takes more energy to converse and work together when there is “a thing” between you. If you walk into the tunnel of chaos, there is a restored relationship on the other end. Referencing something Bill Hybels wrote about, Pastor John Miller, from Abundant Life Church in Stephen’s City VA, in this blog post, said: According to Bill Hybels in his book, "Axiom", real community can’t take place until you face your fear and deal with the unspoken issues. Chances are the other person or people are just as uncomfortable faking it. But until someone has the guts to say that “this isn’t working; what went wrong?” then nothing will change. Hybels calls this entering the tunnel of chaos, because working through issues between two people can be scary, messy, and downright ugly. But when both parties are committed to working it out, the end result is a stronger, truer relationship. We come out on the other end of the tunnel to brand new light. That “committed to working it out” piece is an important one. If the commitment is there, then enter the tunnel and have at it – it’s wonderful on the other end! BENEFIT #3 – Personal growth! When we stretch ourselves and go where we are uncomfortable, there is going to be growth. Growth occurs in the tension, never in the slack. We don’t get stronger in the living room, we get stronger in the weight room. Here are three areas where you will see personal increase and growth: Increased faith and trust in God – We step out and risk, and see God come through for us. Increased confidence – We did it! We are likely to do it again and again, thus succeeding. Increased interpersonal skills – We learn things in the exchange, and get better with people. BENEFIT #4 – Growth in others. When we engage in resolution of disagreements and conflicts, others grow too. They grow from realizing they are cared for enough that you would risk rejection to engage them and restore your relationship. If you do a good job communicating, they grow by understanding you, themselves, and the situation better. People just grow when others are concerned about them, when others do difficult things in order to make things right with them, and when others simply take the time to care. Too many people leave conflicts and disagreements unresolved, and people feel ignored and undervalued. Are there disagreements or conflicts that you need to address? Why wait? Get started. Begin to work through the ten steps we outlined in this week’s podcast. There is joy on the other end! Next Week: Next week we talk about why we as leaders should encourage conflict on our leadership teams and how to create “safe conflict zones” in our ministries. We hope that you are challenged in these posts and podcasts to step out with courage in your 200church to lead and care for the people God has given you. Remember, your leadership is what? What is it? That’s right… HUGE – in the kingdom of God! Finally, what other benefits can you think of from engaging problems and disagreements head on?
Last week’s podcast was on the topic of boldness. This week, we are talking about how to resolve an ongoing disagreement or conflict that is negatively impacting your ministry. We share ten steps to resolve any disagreement in ministry, and as usual, the podcast contains a lot of information, but here are the ten steps for later reference.
Ten steps to resolve any disagreement in Ministry
Tell us about the last time you successfully resolved a disagreement in your 200church... Have you ever heard these famous last words – “We’re just not going to go there!”? In a tense conversation between two people, “the issue” happens to come up, and one of the two blurts that out. “We’re just not going to go there!” Because, going there would result in a larger and longer conversation, (argument) that neither of the two want to engage in at the moment. So what happens? The issue gets tabled, swept under the rug, dismissed, until the next time it comes up, because it’s never gotten resolved. What issues are there in your ministry that you are not addressing? Are there disagreements that you ignore, or worse, deny? Are there issues in your 200church that have been put on the “do not talk about” list? You know, they have not gone away, you’ve just hidden them. And like unpaid balances, the longer you wait to pay them off, the more they will end up costing you.
What we are talking about this week at 200churches.com is disagreement among ministry leaders. In your 200church, you may be the only paid staff member, but you have ministry leaders, deacons, elders, volunteers, etc. What happens when one person wants to do it one way, and another person wants to do it another way? How does a situation like that get resolved? In too many churches, people try to keep the peace, so they shove it under the rug and forget about it. They agree to… nothing. They just avoid the issue because it might cause conflict, and that is not good in a church setting. (more on that next week!) But those disagreements ferment. They spoil. They strain relationships, squelch creativity, and foment discord. If left under the rug for too long, people walk on opposite ends of the rug and division is created. People may not resolve their disagreements because they are afraid or insecure. Often, however, it’s because they don’t know how. They've not seen it modeled in their homes, businesses, communities, or churches. So they punt. In Episode 27 of the 200churches Podcast this week, we talk about Ten Steps To Resolve Any Disagreement In Your Ministry. These are steps to take to pull the disagreement out from under the rug, and finally deal with it. Between today and Wednesday, would you do two things?
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